父女關係

　

杜博生(Dr.James Dobson)

黃瑞華譯

 

---

    一個少女在還沒有交男朋友、談戀愛之前，她的父親其實早已不知不覺塑造了她對異性的態度。怎麼說呢？因為今日的父女關係，會為日後尋求感情婚姻，埋下因子。

    假如年輕女子的父親是遊手好閒的酒鬼，她的心裡有許多需要沒有從父親得到滿足，就會終其一生努力尋找能填補她內心需求的男人。

    假如父親和藹可親、盡責教養，她就會找一個和父親相仿、足以匹配的男人……但是如果父親嫌棄她，覺得她不討人喜歡、索然無味，她可能一生都會有自我形象的問題。

    我還注意到，一個女人對於父親權威的領悟和體會，深深影響她和未來丈夫的關係。若她年幼時父親專橫任性，日後她在婚姻生活中則容易淪於和丈夫爭奪權力。

    但是，若父親能融合慈愛和訓誨，顯出管教的果效，那麼日後她就比較能適應互諒互讓、彼此尊重的婚姻生活。

 

Fathers And Daughters

    Long before a teenage girl finds her first real boyfriend or falls in love, her attitude toward men has been shaped quietly by her father. Why? Because the father-daughter relationship sets the stage for all future romantic involvement.

    If a young woman's father is an alcoholic and a bum, she'll spend her life trying to find a man who can meet the needs her father never fulfilled in her heart.

    If he's warm and nurturing, she'll look for a lover to equal him....But if he rejects her as unattractive and uninteresting, she's likely to carry self-image problems into her adult years.

    I've also observed that a woman's relationship with her future husband is significantly influenced by the way she perceived her father's authority. If he as overbearing and capricious during her earlier years, she may be inclined to precipitate power struggles with her husband throughout married life.

    But if Dad blended love and discipline in a way that conveyed strength, she may be more comfortable with a give-and-take marriage characterized by mutual respect.

(Excerpted from HOME WITH A HEART, by Dr. James Dobson; 1996, Tyndle House Publishers)